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The After Movie Diner's 2nd Alternate Oscars
OK so the Oscar noms have come out again for another year and yet again it reads like a list of predictable boring, beige tedium, some over enflated Hollywood "serious" films to have come out in the last month and a half (because the academy are mostly old farts with the combined memory span of a guppy fish) and only a couple of nods in the right direction (and those mainly being for anything involving Argo or Moonrise Kingdom).
So we will again be hosting the After Movie Diner Alternate Oscar show this year on Monday February 25th!
So please E-MAIL me at aftermoviediner@gmail.com with your alternate nominations.
The rules are simple: The film HAS to have come out for the FIRST time in 2012 on any format - theatrical, straight to video, on demand - ANYTHING as long as it had its FIRST release any day of 2012.
Let's get those NOMS in!!
Hear last year's show here: http://amdpodcast.blogspot.com/2012/02/episode-30-after-movie-diner.html
So we will again be hosting the After Movie Diner Alternate Oscar show this year on Monday February 25th!
So please E-MAIL me at aftermoviediner@gmail.com with your alternate nominations.
The rules are simple: The film HAS to have come out for the FIRST time in 2012 on any format - theatrical, straight to video, on demand - ANYTHING as long as it had its FIRST release any day of 2012.
Let's get those NOMS in!!
Hear last year's show here: http://amdpodcast.blogspot.com/2012/02/episode-30-after-movie-diner.html
The AMD Alternative Oscar Nominations 2012
Ok so here they are the various nominations for the After Movie Diner alternative Oscars!
Please read, pick your favourites, vote by either commenting on this blog or e-mailing aftermoviediner@gmail.com
and then don't forget to TUNE IN to the After Movie Diner Podcast on Monday 27th Feb to hear us discuss it and officially pick our winners for 2012!!!
If you want to be inculded:
DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!
Best Actor
Jason Statham (KE)
John Goodman, Michael Parkes(RS)
M Smiley (Kill List)
A Serkis (RPOTA)
Ryan Gosling, Ron Perlman (Drive)
William Fichtner (DA)
Banderas(Skin I live in)
Otto Jespersen (TH)
Robert Downey, Jr – Sherlock Holmes 2
Jason Statham – Killer Elite
Daniel Craig – Cowboys and Aliens
Patrick Wilson - Insidious
Best Supporting Actor
Andy Serkis – Rise of the Planet of the Apes
John Goodman – Red State
Best Actress
Mellisa Leo (RS)
Cary Mulligan (Drive)
MyAnna Buring (Kill List)
Zoe Saldana (Columbiana)
Elena Anaya (Skin I live in)
Saoirse Ronan – Hanna
Depressing and English, so no chance of an Oscar nod, but Olivia Coleman - Tyrannosaur
Best Supporting Actress
Mila Kunis – Friends with Benefits
Elle Fanning – Super 8
Melissa Leo – Red State
Best Director
Matthew Vaughan (X-men)
Jason Eisner (Hobo)
Kevin Smith (RS)
Ben Wheatly (KillList)
Nicolas Winding Refn (Drive)
Duncan Jones (Source Code)
Gary McKendry (Killer Elite)
Andre Ovredal (TH)
Kenneth Branagh – Thor
JJ. Abrams – Super 8
Neil Burger – Limitless
Jonathan Liebesman – Battle Los Angeles
Best actor, Director, Screenplay with no more than four words, Original score that isn’t entirely original
The Artist
Best adapted screenplay
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. If you want action, you need to read The Spy Who Came In From The Cold or similar. Fuck all happens in this one, very slowly. A bit like Drive, but with more actual driving.
Best foreign language film, Best Action, Best Use of Cows
13 Assassins
Best animated film
Kung Fu Panda 2 was fun, but Rango was genius, although kids probably sat there thinking ‘what the fuck is this about?’
Cinematography
For making beige look so good….Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Documentary feature
Senna – nuff said
BEST OF THE SAPPY MOVIES I HAD TO WATCH WITH MY WIFE
Crazy Stupid Love
Shame – what a terrible time you must have being quite well off and having lots of sex. Pull yourself together you divot.
Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. More Bergerac than Midsommer Murders for me, On an island and everyone is slightly posh apart from the obvious bit of rough. Maybe John Nettles is available if Craig doesn’t want to come back for more?
Bridesmaids
The Life Time Achievement for Most Underrated Films of All Time
Cobra
Escape from LA
Volunteers
Brain Candy
Fanboys
Blood in blood out
Rivers edge
Eagle vs shark
Tao of steve
Thrashin'
Run ronny run
Summer camp nightmare
Hawk the slayer
Grosse pointe blank
Crimes to cinema:
Straw Dogs
Footloose
Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The best of what Moe 'Drunk On VHS' Porne watched in 2011
Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn
Shock 'Em Dead
Hamburger: The Motion Picture
Class of 1999
Death Drug
Karate Cop
Body Rock
Las Vegas BloodBath
The Craziest
Birdemic: Shock and Terror! - Could actually be a contender for worst movie, but the experience of seeing the film with an audience and all the drunken craziness involved with the screening made for a really amazing experience. The Screening I went to featured the local chapter of the Jerry Owen Fan Club (Jerry is a character who appears in the film for maybe 3 minutes, but the kids love him)
The Absolute Worst!
Though probably not a huge surprise for anyone who follows the No Budget Nightmares Podcast hosted by Doug Tilley and myself, but my pick for worst movie watched in 2011 is quite easily
Hip Hop Locos - The story of 2 cholos looking to rob, steal, and kill their way into the music industry. Every line of this film ends with "ese" or "homes"...I think it actually may do a better job of setting back hispanic's rights than any chapter of the KKK could ever do!
AND LASTLY, From David De Moss
The AYTIWS Awards for 2011
Nothing unites the rising generation of film critics like contempt for the Academy Awards. So in the spirit of Judd Nelson telling the four-faced, hovering octopus monster that “I have nothing but contempt for this court,” allow me to present a slate of awards to the few films of 2011 I actually managed to see.
The Carl Gustav Jung Award for Archetypical Critical Darling
goes to “Drive,” for being a slow, plodding, staring contest of a predictable crime thriller punctuated by brief moments of violence sure to shock anyone who's doesn't watch low budget horror movies on a regular basis. i.e., professional critics, who are nothing if not creatures of habit. Read any one of them around about the second week of August and you'll see the signs of Summer Blockbuster burnout in full force. The biggest sign being their unreserved praise of the first passably-directed, pretentiously “smart” film they come across. Drive just so happened to be last years lottery winner: not bad, but genuinely overrated by virtue of the fact it stuck out like a sore thumb in the summer of Fast Five, Harry Potter 7.2 and Transformers: Darkside of My Ass.
The Snakes on a Plane Award for Biggest Disappointment
goes to “Captain America: The First Avenger” for being a thirty minute Captain America movie inexpertly stapled to a forty-five minute trailer for The Avengers, as its title helpfully warns. I would give this award to Thor but I've never cared about Thor and not even the combined powers of Natalie Portman and Kenneth Branagh could change that. I occasionally give a crap about Captain America but ours is a toxic relationship since the red white and blue bastards burned me for four movies running. I don't blame anyone involved: all three of 2011's Marvel movies had “Studio Interference” written all over them. But I wouldn't have been so disappointed if those first thirty minutes weren't so damn good. So step forward, Joe Johnston and know that The Rocketeer is still your best film.
The “I've Been Wondering, What Are Midichlorians?” Award for Franchise Murder
once again goes to Michael Bay and Producer-in-Name-Only Steve Speilberg for their Transformers franchise, of which Transformers 3 is but the latest vile emanation. While not as openly racist as its predecessors, Dark of the Moon still manages just as much of an onerous uphill slog through boredom, stupidity and incoherent visual noise. Except its even longer, so I'll say no more about it here, because there are worse things to discuss.
The Pizza Box Full of Dogshit Award for Worst Movie of the Year
(that I personally saw) goes to...(dramatic pause) Green Lantern. Bad enough it was a Top Gun rip-off that completely missed the point of Top Gun by recasting Iceman as a Chick (or a Pink-skinned alien, depending on your reading). Bad enough its director obviously did not give two shits about the material. Bad enough they chose to make the film about the most boring character to ever bear the name in the franchise's seventy year history. (So boring, in fact, that he's recently had his history re-written to be more of a Top Gun rip-off.) Bad enough they consigned one comic's largest and most visually-diverse casts of characters to the not-done-yet CGI background. They had to top all that stupidity off by hiring Ryan Reynolds, the rich man's Jason Lee. Because there's a hero for The People.
And there are my awards, honoring to the four films of last year that actively pissed me off. I'd put together a competing slate of awards for those few films I actually liked but, in an experience I'm sure you'll recognize, all of those turned out to be older releases, mostly from last century. And so it goes.
Please read, pick your favourites, vote by either commenting on this blog or e-mailing aftermoviediner@gmail.com
and then don't forget to TUNE IN to the After Movie Diner Podcast on Monday 27th Feb to hear us discuss it and officially pick our winners for 2012!!!
If you want to be inculded:
DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!
Best Actor
Jason Statham (KE)
John Goodman, Michael Parkes(RS)
M Smiley (Kill List)
A Serkis (RPOTA)
Ryan Gosling, Ron Perlman (Drive)
William Fichtner (DA)
Banderas(Skin I live in)
Otto Jespersen (TH)
Robert Downey, Jr – Sherlock Holmes 2
Jason Statham – Killer Elite
Daniel Craig – Cowboys and Aliens
Patrick Wilson - Insidious
Best Supporting Actor
Andy Serkis – Rise of the Planet of the Apes
John Goodman – Red State
Best Actress
Mellisa Leo (RS)
Cary Mulligan (Drive)
MyAnna Buring (Kill List)
Zoe Saldana (Columbiana)
Elena Anaya (Skin I live in)
Saoirse Ronan – Hanna
Depressing and English, so no chance of an Oscar nod, but Olivia Coleman - Tyrannosaur
Best Supporting Actress
Mila Kunis – Friends with Benefits
Elle Fanning – Super 8
Melissa Leo – Red State
Best Screenplay
Kevin Smith(RS)
Ben Ripley(Source Code)
Matt Sherring(KE)
Wheatley/Jump(KillList)
Andrew Niccol – In Time
Best Director
Matthew Vaughan (X-men)
Jason Eisner (Hobo)
Kevin Smith (RS)
Ben Wheatly (KillList)
Nicolas Winding Refn (Drive)
Duncan Jones (Source Code)
Gary McKendry (Killer Elite)
Andre Ovredal (TH)
Kenneth Branagh – Thor
JJ. Abrams – Super 8
Neil Burger – Limitless
Jonathan Liebesman – Battle Los Angeles
Best actor, Director, Screenplay with no more than four words, Original score that isn’t entirely original
The Artist
Best adapted screenplay
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. If you want action, you need to read The Spy Who Came In From The Cold or similar. Fuck all happens in this one, very slowly. A bit like Drive, but with more actual driving.
Best foreign language film, Best Action, Best Use of Cows
13 Assassins
Best animated film
Kung Fu Panda 2 was fun, but Rango was genius, although kids probably sat there thinking ‘what the fuck is this about?’
Cinematography
For making beige look so good….Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Documentary feature
Senna – nuff said
BEST OF THE SAPPY MOVIES I HAD TO WATCH WITH MY WIFE
Crazy Stupid Love
Best Horror
Troll Hunter
Paranormal Activity 3
Rubber
Tucker & Dale vs Evil
Atrocious
Dream Home
Kill List
Best Overall Film
13 Assassins
Red State
Hobo with a Shotgun
Killer Elite
MI4
X-men
StakeLand
Source Code
Skin I Live in
Drive Angry
A Serbian Film
Rise of Planet Of The Apes
Fast Five
Limitless
In Time
Thor
You’ll disagree with me, but this was Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. I’d happily watch the directors cut with an extra hour of beige men sitting in smoky beige rooms. drinking tea. Then watch the outakes. Followed by the commentaryMost Disappointing Film
Drive – no acting (looking doleful doesn’t count), no tension, precious little driving.Shame – what a terrible time you must have being quite well off and having lots of sex. Pull yourself together you divot.
Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. More Bergerac than Midsommer Murders for me, On an island and everyone is slightly posh apart from the obvious bit of rough. Maybe John Nettles is available if Craig doesn’t want to come back for more?
Bridesmaids
The Life Time Achievement for Most Underrated Films of All Time
Cobra
Escape from LA
Volunteers
Brain Candy
Fanboys
Blood in blood out
Rivers edge
Eagle vs shark
Tao of steve
Thrashin'
Run ronny run
Summer camp nightmare
Hawk the slayer
Grosse pointe blank
Crimes to cinema:
Pointless useless remakes
ConanStraw Dogs
Footloose
Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The best of what Moe 'Drunk On VHS' Porne watched in 2011
Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn
Shock 'Em Dead
Hamburger: The Motion Picture
Class of 1999
Death Drug
Karate Cop
Body Rock
Las Vegas BloodBath
The Craziest
Birdemic: Shock and Terror! - Could actually be a contender for worst movie, but the experience of seeing the film with an audience and all the drunken craziness involved with the screening made for a really amazing experience. The Screening I went to featured the local chapter of the Jerry Owen Fan Club (Jerry is a character who appears in the film for maybe 3 minutes, but the kids love him)
The Absolute Worst!
Though probably not a huge surprise for anyone who follows the No Budget Nightmares Podcast hosted by Doug Tilley and myself, but my pick for worst movie watched in 2011 is quite easily
Hip Hop Locos - The story of 2 cholos looking to rob, steal, and kill their way into the music industry. Every line of this film ends with "ese" or "homes"...I think it actually may do a better job of setting back hispanic's rights than any chapter of the KKK could ever do!
AND LASTLY, From David De Moss
The AYTIWS Awards for 2011
Nothing unites the rising generation of film critics like contempt for the Academy Awards. So in the spirit of Judd Nelson telling the four-faced, hovering octopus monster that “I have nothing but contempt for this court,” allow me to present a slate of awards to the few films of 2011 I actually managed to see.
The Carl Gustav Jung Award for Archetypical Critical Darling
goes to “Drive,” for being a slow, plodding, staring contest of a predictable crime thriller punctuated by brief moments of violence sure to shock anyone who's doesn't watch low budget horror movies on a regular basis. i.e., professional critics, who are nothing if not creatures of habit. Read any one of them around about the second week of August and you'll see the signs of Summer Blockbuster burnout in full force. The biggest sign being their unreserved praise of the first passably-directed, pretentiously “smart” film they come across. Drive just so happened to be last years lottery winner: not bad, but genuinely overrated by virtue of the fact it stuck out like a sore thumb in the summer of Fast Five, Harry Potter 7.2 and Transformers: Darkside of My Ass.
The Snakes on a Plane Award for Biggest Disappointment
goes to “Captain America: The First Avenger” for being a thirty minute Captain America movie inexpertly stapled to a forty-five minute trailer for The Avengers, as its title helpfully warns. I would give this award to Thor but I've never cared about Thor and not even the combined powers of Natalie Portman and Kenneth Branagh could change that. I occasionally give a crap about Captain America but ours is a toxic relationship since the red white and blue bastards burned me for four movies running. I don't blame anyone involved: all three of 2011's Marvel movies had “Studio Interference” written all over them. But I wouldn't have been so disappointed if those first thirty minutes weren't so damn good. So step forward, Joe Johnston and know that The Rocketeer is still your best film.
The “I've Been Wondering, What Are Midichlorians?” Award for Franchise Murder
once again goes to Michael Bay and Producer-in-Name-Only Steve Speilberg for their Transformers franchise, of which Transformers 3 is but the latest vile emanation. While not as openly racist as its predecessors, Dark of the Moon still manages just as much of an onerous uphill slog through boredom, stupidity and incoherent visual noise. Except its even longer, so I'll say no more about it here, because there are worse things to discuss.
The Pizza Box Full of Dogshit Award for Worst Movie of the Year
(that I personally saw) goes to...(dramatic pause) Green Lantern. Bad enough it was a Top Gun rip-off that completely missed the point of Top Gun by recasting Iceman as a Chick (or a Pink-skinned alien, depending on your reading). Bad enough its director obviously did not give two shits about the material. Bad enough they chose to make the film about the most boring character to ever bear the name in the franchise's seventy year history. (So boring, in fact, that he's recently had his history re-written to be more of a Top Gun rip-off.) Bad enough they consigned one comic's largest and most visually-diverse casts of characters to the not-done-yet CGI background. They had to top all that stupidity off by hiring Ryan Reynolds, the rich man's Jason Lee. Because there's a hero for The People.
And there are my awards, honoring to the four films of last year that actively pissed me off. I'd put together a competing slate of awards for those few films I actually liked but, in an experience I'm sure you'll recognize, all of those turned out to be older releases, mostly from last century. And so it goes.
Alternative Oscars Competition
This year the Oscars are a bloody shambles. A bunch of wishy washy, boring, uninspiring and incorrect nominations, although a fair reflection of just how there really weren't many good films in 2011.
Most were boring and bad.
or were they?
For my Feb 27th show on the After Movie Diner PODCAST I will be hosting the Alternative Oscars and I would like to put a shout out here and ask everyone to e-mail me their noms for 2011 that the academy wouldn't go near. The noms can be anything you like, go wild!
Best supporting actor in a titty flick
whatever you want
It just has to have been given some sort of first time release in 2011 (dvd included) and it can't be nominated for an Oscar and that's it.
All submissions to aftermoviediner@gmail.com by feb 6th please
I will then organise the nominations, work out my own categories and put it up on my site for a vote!
WATCH THIS SPACE
Most were boring and bad.
or were they?
For my Feb 27th show on the After Movie Diner PODCAST I will be hosting the Alternative Oscars and I would like to put a shout out here and ask everyone to e-mail me their noms for 2011 that the academy wouldn't go near. The noms can be anything you like, go wild!
Best supporting actor in a titty flick
whatever you want
It just has to have been given some sort of first time release in 2011 (dvd included) and it can't be nominated for an Oscar and that's it.
All submissions to aftermoviediner@gmail.com by feb 6th please
I will then organise the nominations, work out my own categories and put it up on my site for a vote!
WATCH THIS SPACE
The Oscars - 27th February
As for this blog, I will do a bit before and a bit after, so this is the before bit.
THOUGHTS BEFORE:
Well I have no idea what to make of the utterly random choice of hosts this year, I wait with baited breath to see if they pull it off. I know Franco can be funny when he puts his mind to it but he can also be a pretentious weird swine and as for Hathaway well, it could just be hideously embarrassing. Why doesn't Billy Crystal just do it every year, it's not like he does anything else and he was always the best at it.
As for the nominations well it's a mixed bag of pretty good choices, I have no idea why they have decided to continue with 10 choices for best picture and then make 1 of them something that is already nominated in the Best Animated film category, that seems pig-headedly redundant but anyway, no big surprises really except Christopher Nolan NOT being nominated for best director, that does seem a bit odd.
I haven't seen The Fighter (David O. Russell being nominated over Nolan for this) but I am pretty sure it is a predictably boring and gritty portrayal of aging boxers that we have seen a thousand times, with some fine acting but not much else, whereas Inception, while I didn't think it was as clever or as wonderful as everyone else, is clearly a fascinating and an expertly directed piece of work.
So I will now present two lists, one of the people and films I would LIKE to win and the other a list of predictions of people and films that I THINK will win. The Oscars normally either reward one film 100 times needlessly and tediously or they spread the love, I am hoping this year, with all the good films out there, they spread the love.
Films and people I would LIKE to win:
Best Picture - Inception (because of Nolan's snub as Best Director)
Leading Actor - Colin Firth (because it's his time)
Supporting Actor - Christian Bale (will take Mark Ruffalo too)
Leading Actress - Natalie Portman (although none of them I thought are that great, why didn't they put Hailee Steinfeld in THIS category and then I could've gone for her as Leading and Melissa Leo as supporting???)
Supporting Actress - Melissa Leo (because she's incredible, was in Homicide which is one of my all time favourite shows and because it's her time. Hailee Steinfeld will be my second choice because she was mindblowingly good too)
Animated Feature - Toy Story 3 (I guess, I don't really care)
Art Direction - The King's Speech or True Grit (though it will probably go to Alice arsing about in Wonderland! bleurgh!)
Cinematography - True Grit or Inception
Directing - True Grit
Documentary - Restrepo (I know one of the editors!)
Music - The King's Speech (made me proud to be British)
Visual Effects - Inception
Adapted Screenplay - True Grit
Original Screenplay - Inception
and now...
Films and people I THINK will win:
Best Picture - The King's Speech
Leading Actor - Colin Firth
Supporting Actor - Geoffrey Rush
Leading Actress - Natalie Portman
Supporting Actress - Hailee Steinfeld
Animated Feature - Toy Story 3
Art Direction - Alice in Wonderland
Cinematography - True Grit
Directing - The Social Network
Documentary - Exit Through The Gift Shop
Visual Effects - Inception
Adapted Screenplay - The Social Network
Original Screenplay - Inception
let's see what happens....
OK, so here we are at THOUGHTS AFTER:
Firstly the list,
Films that ACTUALLY won the Oscar:
OK, so here we are at THOUGHTS AFTER:
Firstly the list,
Films that ACTUALLY won the Oscar:
Best Picture - The King's Speech - This one I got right (wish I hadn't)
Leading Actor - Colin Firth - Obvious, This one I got right
Supporting Actor - Christian Bale - This is who I wanted to win
Leading Actress - Natalie Portman - Obvious, This one I got right
Supporting Actress - Melissa Leo - This is who I wanted to win
Animated Feature - Toy Story 3 - Obvious, This one I got right
Art Direction - Alice in Wonderland - Wish I hadn't got this right
Cinematography - Inception - it only won technical awards and I was dismayed Christopher Nolan didn't get recognised in any capacity
Directing - The King's Speech - This was a legitimate surprise, as was Best Picture, it didn't really deserve either. It was good, yes but best picture?
Documentary - Inside Job - another surprise but a worthy win, shame Restrepo didn't get it though! Everyone go watch Restrepo!
Visual Effects - Inception - Obvious and I got it right
Adapted Screenplay - The Social Network - again, Obvious and I got it right
Original Screenplay - Honestly, another surprise, really too many awards for this film in total.
Right, so I didn't do badly, called most of them in some way, maybe I should've put money down! It seems that apart from Inception the Oscars did a little of both what I said they usually do, they spread the love around a little and sort of blanket awarded King's Speech all the big ones. Which, if I am honest, was a bit of a disappointment.
Now I liked the King's Speech and it's obviously nice to see Brits win but my favourite film out of the nominations was True Grit, which because it features and was made by lots of previous winners was never in the running really, after that for its sheer originality and the passion and skill that went into it, Inception should've been nominated better and actually won something on and above the technical Oscars it won. Still, I suppose at least it won something, in fact everything sort of won something that we were expecting to win something, except True Grit.
Now onto the ceremony itself.
The opening 'stick actors in the best picture noms that we stole from Billy Crystal' wasn't bad, not as funny as it could've been but perfectly serviceable. From then on the hosts were 'ok' with Anne Hathaway doing most of the actual legwork, changing dresses more times than most people change underpants in their lifetime and James Franco just being flat out weird.
In fact you know you're in trouble when Billy Crystal comes out to pay lip service to the first ever Oscars (some bizarrely tedious re-curring theme) and also former multiple times host, Bob Hope and is funnier and more welcome in a 3 minute intro than Franco and Hathaway manage in the whole show, still Hathaway, at least, had an air about her that was 'awwwww look the kid's trying REALLY hard, look she sings too!' and James franco had an air of 'what the hell am I doing here... I shall just be stilted and weird, see if anyone notices' which culminated in him coming out in drag at one point for little or no reason. Still I actually blame the writers over the hosts as they could've been much better with good material.
So the whole ceremony was fairly zippy, lacking anything too dull or slow but was also lacking anything particularly exciting or interesting either. There was no funny bits from Ben Stiller, Jack Black or Will Farrell, in fact there were no really funny presenters at all and wheeling out Kirk Douglas to do the 'oh look I am old but can still walk without pissing myself' speech, that has become a trend at the Oscars because they think they may die soon, was ok but got grating quickly and maybe it's just me but I always feel a bit odd and think 'ah shouldn't he be home in bed with some tea?' still he too was funnier than the hosts.
As for acceptance speeches the best was Colin Firth who gave the most wonderfully British speech filled with pleasingly stiff upper lip repressed emotion and tremendously funny dry wit and maybe, just for her sheer surprise, Melissa Leo as for a moment there everyone held their breath for something embarrassing to happen and then she said fuck in front of a billion viewers, perfect! Plus she looked like Elvis and that's a cool thing.
Christian Bale was refreshingly English and chummy in his speech with a good use of the word bloody and everyone else, predictably and tediously, thanked absolutely everyone in the world ever and their mums (literally) till their mums probably fell asleep, no one have any Dads then??
Lastly, Celine Dion needs to be buried up to her neck, have her head glazed in jam and some wasps released, whoever thought her French Canadian pretentious warbling was a good choice to have over the In Memorandum portion of the show needs to be dragged out into the street and have their arse introduced to a large flaming hot kebab. There was almost vomit. Also, why does Halle Berry get to show up and spout on and on about race every 30 seconds? I understand that Lena Horne was an important figure, not just in Hollywood and music but with civil rights but why is the place for Berry to come on and go on and on about being African American, the Oscars? Nothing to explain it except white guilt and the fact that Berry doesn't have a career anymore except to turn up places and remind everyone she's black. I thought the whole point about equality was that it didn't matter what colour your skin is at all... or did I miss a meeting?
All in all then it was a fairly bland, average affair with mild jokes, one instant of embarrassing swearing and an obvious, expected list of winners. It could've been worse but it could've been a whole lot better, stop trying to re-invent the wheel every year and bring back Billy Crystal, PLEASE! if not get actually inventive and have Billy Murray and a performing cockateel in a sequin jumpsuit host the awards from the inside of a large polystyrene effigy of Bob Hopes chin.
Still, nice to see so many Brits representing at the Oscars tonight and for that, at least, I am happy, still, I will never understand how the hell they forgot Christopher Nolan!
Points from me and The Wife a very bland and average 6 out of 10